What i m was thinking?

Today is second day of Valentine, still the same hot day... Last nite, My dear was drunk... He was drink a lots... I m like to see him get drunk...i m doesn't means bad, just i m know that he will show out his feelings.Definitely, last night he did. He was keep repeating that he was useless,beh beh one and ect.... he was told me that he cant give me anything... what was he means? is he tried to hint me that, he cant stay long with me or else? I m was sad, recently i m was sad...these kind of sorrow keep follow with me... Sometimes i asking myself, am i did no enough good on this relationship? I m loving him so much, more over than my imagination... And at the same time, loving much will become losing much... I m trying to find the way back to our love... and i know, i m have no any direction, i m cant tell me just leave it and dont think.. this is the truth we need to face it. I m worried him, i m tryly know how he is feelings now.... that kind of feelings of jobless... as a man... However, i m really hope he can recall back what he ever told me before... I m missing 'him'so much, the one i know last time... I m wont leave him alone, no matter how,i m willing to stay with him till the last...i m want the old time'him' back.. i m missing him ...missing him so much... i m trying to read back those msg he was sent me...those last time pics... to comfort myself... why become like now? i m want happy abit, why so hard??? i m feels so lost... i m want his hugsss... i m feels lonely...lonely...